Piadas Traduzidas: When Grandma goes to court

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Anonymous

Lawyers [Os advogados] should never ask [jamais deveriam fazer] a Mississippi grandma [à uma vovó do Mississippi] a question [uma pergunta] if they aren’t prepared [se não estiverem preparados] for the answer [para a resposta].  In a trial [Em um julgamento], a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney [um promotor de uma pequena cidade do sul (dos Estados Unidos)] called his first witness [testemunha], a grandmotherly [com aparência de vovó], elderly woman [senhora de idade] to the stand [para depor]. He approached her [se aproximou dela] and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you [Eu o conheço] since you were a boy [desde garoto], and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me [para mim, você foi uma grande decepção]. You lie [Você é mentiroso; Você mente (lit.)], you cheat on your wife [trai a mulher], and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs [fala mal dos outros pelas costas]. You think you’re a big shot [Você se acha o máximo] when you haven’t the brains [não tem inteligência] to realize [para perceber] you’ll never amount to anything more than [você nunca vai passar de] a two-bit paper pusher [um burocrata de araque]. Yes, I know you.’

Cf. “LAWYER” ou “ATTORNEY”: como se diz “advogado” em inglês?

The lawyer was stunned [ficou de queixo caído]. Not knowing what else to do [Sem saber o que fazer], he pointed across the room [ele apontou para o outro lado do tribunal] and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney [advogado de defesa]?’

She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster [jovem], too. He’s lazy [preguiçoso], bigoted [preconceituoso], and he has a drinking problem [é alcoólatra]. He can’t build a normal relationship [Não consegue ter um relacionamento normal] with anyone [com ninguém], and his law practice [seu desempenho como advogado] is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention [Sem dizer que] he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’

The defense attorney nearly died [quase teve um troço; quase morreu (lit.)].

The judge [O juiz] asked both counselors [advogados] to approach the bench [para se aproximarem dele] and, in a very quiet voice [falando baixinho], said, ‘If either of you idiots [Se qualquer um de vocês, suas antas,] asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both [mando os dois] to the electric chair.’

Cf. Mais Piadas Traduzidas